| pure fear i tell you. everything. i'm terrified. of being fat. of not getting into university. of alex leaving me. of people talking about me. of failing.
alex told his mother that i have bulimia. thats wrong isn't it? i should be angry with him, right? i'm not of course. because im afraid he will leave me.
i'm afraid to eat. i dont enjoy the process i have to go through to eat. at school i eat one thing at lunch. just to get it all out of the way. i think i will have a mars bar tomorow. then alex is coming over for dinner tomorow night. my parents are still in italy so i will make him something. he doesnt belive that i can cook. |
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| recently, been maintaining at 107lbs. my parents are in italy this weekend so hopefully i will get down to 105lbs. will be lovely.
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| 106 lbs. dont know how i've managed to do this but everyone is becoming 'concerned'. my boyfriend knows half of it. his parents know a little bit. my parents know a little bit. blah. everyone watches me eat. its awful. i hate this.
i'm going to lose another 6lbs, then take it from there. and, school starts up again next week, which means i can go to the gym again. which means i can lose more weight.
well anyway, i will start updating again more regularly once my laptop is fixed. im on my dads right now and im scared what my parents will find.
i hope everyone is okay..... |
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| so, i got swine flu. i havent eaten properly in a week and dont plan to start eating properly for a while. i weigh 112lbs. swine flu is painful...it made me cry and throw up and i haveslept for about one week straight. i go to spain on wednesday hopefully by then i will be less. then i can carry on losing weight. i have bones again... |
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| havent eaten yet today. its 3pm. my sisters (ex)boyfriend climbed a tree at our yard last night and threatened to hang himself unless she took him back. havent really felthungry since. i might make myself a sandwich soon...? but i'm scared of eating. i cant explain it. i want to eat. but it will make me fat. and what if i cant stop myself? |
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